ohh hell nah... 😠One, two, three! No! No! No! I'm sorry! Nothing's happening! Oh my God! It's okay, maybe they didn't see anything. Sweetie, they screamed, they dropped a tray of dishes and then they ran out of here like they were on fire. You were on fire, lady. Really? You're still going? Well, forgive me for thinking your zesty performance dese
Matthew Cappucci @MatthewCappucci The lady at the DMV took my picture for the license/registration. Then she asked "body type?" "Um, slim to average... I guess...?" "Of the vehicle." "Oh." *she laughs hysterically for 3 minutes* Now she is telling all her coworkers and I can never show my face here again.
I've got a question. I was in a restaurant yesterday and I, uh, I really had to fart bad. But I noticed the music was loud, so what I did was I, I timed my farts to the beat of the song. And after a while I felt a little better, finished drinking my coffee. But I noticed everybody was staring at me. That's, that's when I realised I had my earbuds i
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